A Titanic Disaster
by poohba
Summary: The Indy boys are cruising through the North Atlantic one blustery April night... when they happen across a survivor of this shipwreck...


Dedicated to all those who didn't mind when Leo drowned at the end of Titanic, just as long as Rose got rescued by "Horatio Hornblower."

A Titanic Disaster OR Sea of Confusion OR A Rose by any Other Name

A Parody

The North Atlantic was calm, dark and cold under a pitch-black sky. The _H.M.S. Indefatigable_ had picked up a breeze and was flying through the waters in spite of the threat of icebergs in the area.

"Horatio," Acting-Lieutenant Archie Kennedy whispered to his best friend, Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower. "This is insane."

The watch was Horatio's. It was his decision to keep going full-speed through iceberg-infested waters when it was too dark to see them properly. He shook his head briskly. "It's not insanity Aaar-chie, it's orders. Captain Pellew wants to be in New York in two days."

Archie wrinkled up his nose, "New York? Aren't we working our way up to the War of 1812? Why are we going there?"

"I am doing my duty," was Horatio's only answer. His pressed his lips together, as if he wasn't happy about it.

"You're never going to make New York in two days, either," Archie continued. "What do you think this is, a steamship?"

A large seaman came up behind Archie, threateningly.

"Begging your pardon, sir," a smaller and somewhat grayer seaman addressed Archie.

"Yes, Matthews, what is it?"

"Well, sir, I believe Styles is trying to tell you that if Mr. Hornblower wants the _Indy_ in New York by Tuesday, then we'll bloody-well get it there for him."

Archie shook his head, nearly losing his gigantic hat in the process. "Very well, Styles. I take it back."

The seaman grunted and moved off with Matthews.

"Aren't you the least bit worried about hitting an iceberg, us going this fast?" Archie glanced over at Horatio.

Horatio pressed his lips together in a smile. "You think I want to command a lifeboat?" 

Archie rolled his eyes and leaned over the railing to watch the bow glide through the water. He couldn't see any bergs lurking in their path, but there was a small dark shape out there, close to the water. "I see something," he yelled as loud as he could, while taking out his spyglass to get a better look.

"Where?" Horatio was instantly at his side with his own telescope.

"Don't you see it?"

"My God, Horatio. It looks like…"

Horatio set his glass down. "I believe you're right Aaar-chie. It's a woman floating on a piece of driftwood." He wrinkled up his eyebrows, puzzled.

"Man overboard!" Archie cried, rousing the crew to action. 

"Aaar-chie, does that look like a man to you?" Both officers raised their spyglasses for another look. The buxom redhead had obviously spent some time in the water before finding her makeshift raft. There was little doubt as to her being a woman.

"Sorry," Archie said, "You're right, of course."

"Woman overboard!" Horatio cried. "Styles, Matthews, Oldroyd…"

The men of his division had the _Indy_ stopped and a lifeboat ready to be lowered in less time than it takes to tell about it. Horatio, Styles, Matthews and Oldroyd climbed aboard and were lowered down.

"Are you alive out there?" Horatio yelled at the redhead.

"What do you mean?" she countered. "I've only been blowing on this %@#* whistle for half and hour trying to get your attention! How slow is that ship of yours anyway? You're not going to break any Southampton to New York speed records in that old tub."

Everyone in the boat bristled at that. "Miss…" Horatio said. "The _Indefatigable…"_

"Oh save it," the young woman said. "I'm freezing out here. I just saw my ship go down and I just sent the love of my life on to follow it. Get on with rescuing me."

Obligingly, the boat pulled alongside the driftwood and Horatio helped the redhead jump into it. He offered her his heavy blue wool officer's coat. "I'd thank you," she said. "But I'm still in shock. The whole ship going down and losing Leo thing."

"Quite all right," said Horatio, shivering.

As the boat drew up to the _Indy_, he looked up and saw that his loud cry of "Woman overboard!" earlier had done more than just stir his own division to action. The whole ship's company was lining the side, ogling the first woman they'd seen in three months. The _Indy_ was leaning from the weight of all of the men against the deck rail.

At the top of the ladder stood Captain Pellew. "Mr. Hornblower," he said. "Would you care to explain yourself?"

"Sir," Horatio started. "We found a damsel in distress, sir."

Pellew did not sound impressed. "Damsel in distress, sir?"

But the redhead looked up adoringly at Horatio and repeated, "Damsel in distress… I was, wasn't I? And you are cute. Much cuter than Leo, now that I think of it."

Archie hit himself on the head. Why did nothing like this ever happen when it was _his_ watch? 

As Rose proceeded to passionately kiss Horatio's face and neck up and down, the men from the Indy hooted and hollered.

"Oh stop," Pellew said. "You're going to get lipstick all over his new uni-form."

THE END


End file.
